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Marriage and Masturbation

I recently read a brilliant article on the negative effects that masturbation has within marriage. Thank you to Marriage Today and Dave Willis for providing such truthful insight for married folks AND single folks. Great read!!!


In marriage, sex and honesty are like two wings on the same bird. You need both for your marriage to soar.

My wife Ashley and I recently wrote a book called The Naked Marriage which is designed to spark some very honest and intimate conversations between a husband and wife that can help them improve their sex life and all other aspects of their marriage too. We’ve found that one issue in marriage that needs greater honesty and clarity in marriage is the issue of MASTURBATION. Is it helpful? Is it wrong? Is it harmless? I believe these questions about masturbation are more important than many people realize.

As an important clarification, when I say “masturbation,” for the purposes of this article, I’m NOT referring to the self-stimulation or sexual play that happens during foreplay or intercourse with your spouse. Those can be just a fun part of sex between a husband and wife. When I’m referring to masturbation, I’m talking specifically about someone pleasuring himself or herself to the point of climax when NOT in the presence of his or her spouse.

Here are three reasons you may have never considered why masturbation can negatively impact your marriage…

1. It can negatively impact the sexual intimacy, performance and pleasure with your spouse.

We receive a lot of emails and messages from frustrated wives whose husbands have lost their drive for sex because they’re “taking care of it all on their own.” Men, when you choose to masturbate, you may be gaining momentary pleasure, but it’s happening at the expense of your wife’s needs and desires and you’re also missing out! This doesn’t impact men’s masturbation only. Ladies, a recent article in Women’s Health Magazine pointed out that some women are experiencing what they call “Dead Vagina” which is a numbness in the genitals caused from excessive manual stimulation (mostly from vibrators). This is making intercourse with their husbands much less enjoyable and much less frequent. Never let the substitute sabotage the real thing!


Go here to read the rest of this article from Marriage Today and Dave Willis.

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Are You Doing Accountability The Wrong Way?

Has someone talked to you about the importance of community recently?

How about the value of vulnerability?

I bet you’ve seen content on both subjects at least once in the last six months.

Interestingly enough – science has shown the percentage of people in this world without ANY confidants (not even one) has doubled in the last 20 years. Somehow, loneliness is on the rise. 

I talk to men regularly who struggle with pornography.

Each of their stories is unique, but one thing remains the same. 

The man has felt or currently feels lonely without fail. 

Then I ask… what have you done about it?

The answer usually includes one of the following:

-They told a trusted leader and never followed up with them

-No one in their friend circle can be trusted with the details of their struggle

-Tried an accountability partner system and it’s not working

All of these experiences can cause a lot of frustration, but I have a particular bone to pick about the accountability partner system that is so commonly preached.

Almost every guy I talk to that is looking to get free of porn has tried a form of accountability at some point.

Here are some examples:

  • A client of mine attended a workshop on freedom from lust and sexual sin. In the end, he was matched up with a stranger to be his accountability partner. They texted back and forth for about three weeks and haven’t communicated since.
  • A university student asked a respected leader in his community to be his accountability partner. The arrangement? He would text him after he watched porn and ask for prayer. The leader would write back, “praying for you!” This lasted for about three months. 
  • A friend created a penalty system. Every time he looked at porn, he had to give a $500 donation to a charitable organization! 

The upsetting part is that accountability is a good thing! When it’s done properly, it can be so helpful. But most of the systems out there are so lackluster that they usually make the problem much worse. 

Here are a few common mistakes that I see a lot of men making when it comes to accountability.


Source: XXXchurch

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NEWS: Join the Live Free Community!

One of the core truths of recovery is learning that you can’t get better by yourself. And you never will…ON YOUR OWN. We need people and were designed to be in relationship and community with other safe, healthy people. Especially as we recovery from life-controlling addictions.

Purity For Life is proud to partner with and incredible online ministry called Live Free. Live Free is a private community for men seeking freedom from porn and lust. The ministry exists in the form of an app you can download on your phone which connects you instantly with a community of people who also struggle with pornography and other sexual addictions. Here you can ask questions, share struggles, and receive encouragement for the journey that you’re on.

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But it goes further than that. You can also choose to sign up for a weekly group meeting where the community goes deeper. Each week, you’ll have the opportunity to share openly and talk with other men face to face in a live Zoom call led by a trained group leader.

There are very few ministries, if any, that offer this kind of quality community experience in such a private, secure way. To learn more about how you can get started in a support group or even just get connected with the app, check out Live Free today!

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5 Recovery Tips You Won’t Find in a Book

Happy Friday everyone! I wanted to share an EXCELLENT article with you from Mark Denison, founder of There’s Still Hope, a national sexual addiction recovery ministry. Mark shares some really good tips here that you won’t hear from just any recovery book or conference. Enjoy these tips for your recovery journey!


It is important to read all you can about recovery. We live in an age when thousands of books, articles, and speeches are available, which address recovery from every angle. It is impossible to read too much. Go to every conference, read every blog, listen to every podcast. I’m all about education. That is why, before Beth and I launched There’s Still Hope, I went back to school. I earned a Master’s Degree with a focus on addiction recovery (Liberty University). I completed my PSAP (Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional) training through IITAP.

In 2019, Beth and I attended SILS (Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit) in Atlanta, the C-SASI (Christian Sex Addiction Specialist International) conference in Houston, and the Sexual Recovery Leadership Summit in Colorado Springs. But after reading all the books, receiving significant training, and attending 600 12-step meetings, there are five important truths I have discovered about recovery that I never once read in a book. Let me share those with you now.

1. Addiction isn’t a bad problem.

Okay, addiction is a bad problem. Anything that is devastating millions of families is a problem. But before sex addiction is a problem, it is something else.

Addiction is a bad solution. Let me explain. Addiction isn’t the root. It’s the fruit. We know that addiction results in broken lives and shattered families. But what results in addiction? In nearly all cases, at the root of addiction you will find at least one of the following: (a) trauma, (b) abuse, (c) isolation. The sufferer turns to addiction, not as a bad problem, but as a bad solution. Why does this matter? It matters because we need to treat addiction by addressing those core issues with each individual—trauma, abuse, isolation—in order to effect healing and life change.


Go here to read the rest. Believe me, they’re really good!