BONUS: How Sex Addiction Can Destroy Your Marriage

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In this bonus content from Purity For Life, we go back to an interview I did with my wife Tracey is 2014 about the pain that she walked through as I struggled with a pornography addiction which greatly inhabited the first year of our marriage.

Tracey shares her feelings about our story and where God has brought her as well as gives some great advice to wives who are hurting from their husband’s sex addiction.

This is one you don’t want to miss!


If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.

002: Why Sexual Purity Matters

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Pure Gold is back this week with perhaps the most important question we’ve ever asked: “Why does sexual purity matter?” Frank attempts to unpack this question, give Scriptural backing, and shares an incredible article from Moral Revolution, “10 Lies We Believe About Sexual Purity”. If you’re questioning whether the journey for sexual purity is worth it or not, please listen &/or watch this episode!

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Show Notes:


If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.

196: Why God Can’t Keep Us Pure

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Purity For Life is back! It’s been a little while, but we’ve got some fresh new content for you this week. First up, it’s our featured topic: “Why God Can’t Keep Us Pure” where we explore what purity really is and what it isn’t. Next up is a brand new purity tip you’ll really benefit from and finally in our Guest Voice segment, we hear from Pastor John Piper on “Why You Give in to Sexual Sin”. Some really eye-opening thoughts to consider! Enjoy the podcast!


Show Notes:


If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.

3 Easy Ways To Know If You Are Looking Or Lusting

3-easy-ways-look-lust.jpgIs looking the same as lusting?

You’d think that the answer that question would be pretty obvious, but I believe more often than not, people get confused when it comes to these two topics (especially Christian people).

Here’s the thing:

You can lust after anything, not just the opposite sex. 

You can lust after money.
You can lust after a car
You can lust after power.

And the list goes on.

The word lust simply means having a passionate or overmastering desire or craving for something. It’s just that, in our culture, we generally connect lust with “sexual lust.”

Looking, however, is a bit different.

I can look at something without having a strong desire for it.
I can even admire something (like a car) without lusting after it.

But because sexual matters are so sensitive, we often have a hard time trying to distinguish the difference between looking and lusting when it comes to those we’re attracted to.

Your spouse probably would have no problem with you saying, “Hey, that new sports car our neighbor got is pretty great-looking.”

However, try saying that same thing about your neighbor’s spouse.
Wow! It’s off to couch city for the next few nights.

But the truth is, looking and lusting are entirely different. The reason we have a hard time recognizing this fact is either because of “religious guilt” or insecurity.

So, for those of you who are constantly asking yourselves, “Am I looking or lusting?” here are 3 ways you can tell:

1) You just can’t look enough.

Hey, she’s good-looking.
I get it.

You didn’t ask to see her; she just ended up crossing your path today.

Looking at her and noticing that fact is not wrong. And it’s not lust.

But how many times do you need to go back to the well for a drink?

Chances are if your head keeps turning like it’s on a swivel, you’re doing more than just “looking.” You are looking for a reason.

And often that reason is lust. You like what you see and you want to see more because there is some strong desire there.

2) You are “coveting” what you see.

Take my earlier example of the neighbor with the “new” good-looking spouse.

Whether you end up on the couch or not, the truth is, you are not lusting after your neighbor’s spouse simply because you acknowledged that they have some visual appeal.

However, if you follow up your look and unwelcomed observation with the thought, “Boy, I wouldn’t mind if that person was my spouse,” then there is a problem.

You now have crossed the line.
You are coveting.

Coveting is an older term we find in the Bible a lot but basically means “to have a strong desire for.” So in this case, since your “strong desire” is for someone other than the person you’re committed to, then it’s safe to say you’ve wandered into the lust territory.

3) It makes your “special areas” all warm and tingly … and you want more.

Now, I know I may catch some heat for this one, but the truth is men are wired very differently than women and respond accordingly.

While women visually process things, men are far more visual, and our biological responses to what we see are practically hard-wired.

If a man sees a woman who’s very attractive (and especially dressed in a provocative nature), he is going to feel some sort of primal response. In other words, his brain is going to let him know it likes what it sees.

Not much we can do about that.

However, it doesn’t have to go any further than that. There are ways to keep that look from drifting into the lust arena (I wrote a post on that HERE).

But, say you feel all warm and fuzzy and decide to let that look linger because you want more of that feeling. Or, after you are done looking, you keep recalling in your mind what you just witnessed and how great it made you feel.

Well, now you officially crossed over into the lust area.

You see, the first situation is a physical and biochemical response. But the continuation is an intentional decision to elicit sexual pleasure from what you’ve seen.

And if what you’ve seen is not your spouse, then it’s time to have a talk with that accountability partner of yours.

Hey, I understand. This topic is a little sensitive.
Especially if you are talking about it with your spouse.

But don’t confuse looking with lusting.
Don’t let religious guilt or insecurities lead you to self-imposed and needless shame.

But at the same time recognize that looking can lead to lusting very quickly if left unchecked. 

So be aware.
Be intentional.
Be accountable.

And seriously, be honest enough to talk about this stuff.


Carl (@carl_t) is a husband and father of two who, typical of his New Jersey roots, doesn’t mind pushing boundaries or challenging the norm. He is an ordained pastor & holds a Masters in Theological Studies graduating with High Distinction from Liberty University. Carl struggled with pornography and sex addiction for over 17 years until he finally found lasting freedom in 2010. He now leads the operations of XXXchurch.com and is the Director of their Small Groups Online and X3pure recovery programs. When Carl isn’t working he enjoys spending time with his family, hanging out with good friends, or preparing for his next obstacle course race.

175: Why Do I Have Sexual Dreams?

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This week on the podcast, we jump into a question I’ve gotten quite a bit from guys I work with: “Why do I have sexual dreams?” What do they mean? Are they harmful? Sinful? Is there something wrong with me? I attempt to address those questions and more as we talk some about dreams, the body, and the brain on the Purity For Life Podcast!

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If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.