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New Content Coming 2021!

Happy Holidays from Purity For Life & the Pure Gold Podcast! We’re thankful for how God has moved through 2020 and what He will do in 2021. New content from the Pure Gold Podcast is coming in January of 2021! Stay tuned for that. And remember that the One who holds 2021 is the same One who held 2020.



If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.

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Blog Discipleship Marriage Sexual Purity

3 Ways Love Overcame My Porn Addiction

As I continue to walk in recovery from a pornography addiction, I often remind myself that it is only by love and grace that I’m at the place I am today. Eleven years ago, I received an insurmountable amount of forgiveness from those closest to me, including my wife. And even as I continued to minimize or justify the relapses I would have and the lying that accompanied it, I would experience healing in life. Little did I know then the ways in which freedom would come.

At the age of 16, I invited Jesus into my life and accepted the free gift of salvation He died to give me. And while I thought I was giving Him all of my life, I really wasn’t. My secret life of binging on pornography that had started at the age of 13 only continued, many times late into the night. It wasn’t until the age of 26 that I hit rock bottom and started to walk in freedom & healing. My secrets were uncovered. I had finally chosen to shine light upon the darkest places of my heart.

I truly believe that most of the change in my life has occurred through the love of my heavenly Father and the grace I experienced from others. How does transformation happen in a person’s life? For me, I believe that my life changed through pain, position, and purpose:

  1. Pain — Before I could begin walking in freedom and healing, I had to acknowledge the damage that I had caused myself as well as the pain I had caused others because of my addiction. Throughout the course of my battle with porn, I’d been given so many opportunities to get healthy and yet nothing really stuck. I lived in so much shame and guilt over what I was doing. I was convinced people would think I was a pervert. I’m so thankful to this day that the Lord used even the most painful moments in my life for good. The moment my fiancé slid her engagement ring across the table was one such moment. It helped me to see that I wasn’t healthy. I was sick. And so I think pain was one of the only effective means left for me to see who I was and who I was becoming.
  2. Position — It wasn’t until I literally took action upon my addiction that I began to see any difference. My routine, schedule, and priorities all needed to change. There needed to be movement in my life where for so many years I was stuck in one place. Thankfully, through the help of counselors, pastors, and support groups, I was able to find freedom from the quicksand of pornography addiction. Again, it wasn’t until I got off my butt and took action. I couldn’t wallow in shame forever. Or point the finger at someone else as the cause of my behavior. If I wanted to get better, I needed to embrace healthy outlets for processing emotions and feelings I had long ignored. My position had to change.
  3. Purpose — As funny as it may sound, when I began walking in recovery, I found a passion begin to stir inside for helping others do the same. Strangely, one of the bi-products of my addiction was that it helped me to find purpose in life. Today, I tell people that I sometimes feel like my former porn addiction was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me! It was because I had found a sense of purpose that I felt like I could really be an influence in someone’s life. I could help someone else find the healing that I had found for my life. I believe that is something we’re all called to do in our recovery journey. Get all the healing you can, but don’t let it stop with your life. Be a funnel, not a flask.

As I reflect upon my recovery journey, I can see how love overcame my addictive behavior through pain, position, and purpose. Each one of these ways has been instrumental in helping me take further steps to become the man that God wants me to be. This process continues daily until I take my last breathe in this world. I’m of the belief that it was Christ’s death on the cross that is really what has made my recovery possible. Jesus’ death on the cross has helped me to understand there is no challenge, no circumstance, no addiction too big for God’s love to overcome. How could I do any less than to honor Him with a life of sexual integrity after He has given me so much?

For me, 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 sums it up pretty well: “For it is Christ’s love that fuels our passion and motivates us, because we are absolutely convinced that he has given his life for all of us. This means all died with him, so that those who live should no longer live self-absorbed lives but lives that are poured out for him—the one who died for us and now lives again.”

You may be reading this convinced you’re trapped in a vicious cycle that never ends. You’ve tried time and time again to stop your behavior on your own or maybe you haven’t even tried at all. And yet, you feel the emptiness inside. The well inside of your heart has no end.

Believe it or not, there is hope. Whether you feel it or not, freedom is possible. But it can’t be found by yourself. You can’t get better alone. Healing requires that you allow people into your world to see the real you. Do you want that for your life?

Small Groups Online is an incredible opportunity for you to meet others who are struggling the same way you are. It promises a safe and healthy atmosphere. Through communication with others in the group about your addiction, you will find a renewed sense of courage spring up in you to become a person of sexual integrity.

Check out Small Groups Online today!

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Blog

Is Porn Addiction in the Church Getting Worse?

The short answer: Yes.

Countless articles and blogs have been written on this subject over the years with numerous suggestions on why this could be happening. I’ve found one of those suggestions to be most satisfying and perhaps most accurate:

THE CHURCH ISN’T TALKING ABOUT SEXUAL ADDICTION.

I could probably end this article with that last statement and that be a stark reminder, but if we’ve come to the realization that the Church isn’t talking about the reality and effects of porn addiction, WHY aren’t things changing?

Recently, XXXchurch released a mind-blowing stat: (see below)

Yes, you read it correctly…70%. Let that number soak in for a while. 7 out of every 20 people are (most likely) secretly struggling with pornography, sexual fantasy, and other related compulsive behaviors. My heart breaks as I don’t ever remember the number being this high before.

Which brings me back to my earlier point. What if this number were to go down if we were to simply start having the conversation IN the church, and yes, IN the pulpit about this incredibly destructive epidemic in our society? Yes, I know there are churches out there that are talking about this and finding freedom in their congregations. This is awesome! But there is still much more work we can do.

This issue becomes more complicated if (and when) we’re talking about the lead pastor of a church also being the one who is struggling. And I wonder if in many ways this enables a congregation to go silent when their Shepherd is secretly addicted?

In my experience, pastors and churches are way under equipped to be able to address this issue in a healthy way. They lack the resources, tools, finances, and sadly, the passion to know what to do.

I think it first starts with a sheer desire to see your life and the life of your congregation healthy & whole. Passion & conviction could be a whole other article, so we won’t go there today. But let’s assume if a pastor and a church is ready to tackle this issue head on, what do they do?

Enter Live Free: A private community for men seeking freedom from porn and lust. I can’t say enough good things about this ministry. And it’s not only because I’m a leader of one of the many support groups they offer for men. Live Free offers an incredibly unique experience for men. Offering weekly online support groups at virtually any time you need as well as additional community through the Live Free app you can download on any platform. Founder & executive director Carl Thomas has really created a quality opportunity for men to find freedom & community!

Along with Live Free, there are countless ministries (including this one) out there that are trying to help individuals find freedom every day. But I believe in the church it will only happen when someone decides to starts the conversation. It takes courage, conviction, and leadership to step out and be the first one. Let us at Purity For Life help you do that.

Here are some additional resources to help: