3 Ways Love Overcame My Porn Addiction

As I continue to walk in recovery from a pornography addiction, I often remind myself that it is only by love and grace that I’m at the place I am today. Eleven years ago, I received an insurmountable amount of forgiveness from those closest to me, including my wife. And even as I continued to minimize or justify the relapses I would have and the lying that accompanied it, I would experience healing in life. Little did I know then the ways in which freedom would come.

At the age of 16, I invited Jesus into my life and accepted the free gift of salvation He died to give me. And while I thought I was giving Him all of my life, I really wasn’t. My secret life of binging on pornography that had started at the age of 13 only continued, many times late into the night. It wasn’t until the age of 26 that I hit rock bottom and started to walk in freedom & healing. My secrets were uncovered. I had finally chosen to shine light upon the darkest places of my heart.

I truly believe that most of the change in my life has occurred through the love of my heavenly Father and the grace I experienced from others. How does transformation happen in a person’s life? For me, I believe that my life changed through pain, position, and purpose:

  1. Pain — Before I could begin walking in freedom and healing, I had to acknowledge the damage that I had caused myself as well as the pain I had caused others because of my addiction. Throughout the course of my battle with porn, I’d been given so many opportunities to get healthy and yet nothing really stuck. I lived in so much shame and guilt over what I was doing. I was convinced people would think I was a pervert. I’m so thankful to this day that the Lord used even the most painful moments in my life for good. The moment my fiancé slid her engagement ring across the table was one such moment. It helped me to see that I wasn’t healthy. I was sick. And so I think pain was one of the only effective means left for me to see who I was and who I was becoming.
  2. Position — It wasn’t until I literally took action upon my addiction that I began to see any difference. My routine, schedule, and priorities all needed to change. There needed to be movement in my life where for so many years I was stuck in one place. Thankfully, through the help of counselors, pastors, and support groups, I was able to find freedom from the quicksand of pornography addiction. Again, it wasn’t until I got off my butt and took action. I couldn’t wallow in shame forever. Or point the finger at someone else as the cause of my behavior. If I wanted to get better, I needed to embrace healthy outlets for processing emotions and feelings I had long ignored. My position had to change.
  3. Purpose — As funny as it may sound, when I began walking in recovery, I found a passion begin to stir inside for helping others do the same. Strangely, one of the bi-products of my addiction was that it helped me to find purpose in life. Today, I tell people that I sometimes feel like my former porn addiction was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me! It was because I had found a sense of purpose that I felt like I could really be an influence in someone’s life. I could help someone else find the healing that I had found for my life. I believe that is something we’re all called to do in our recovery journey. Get all the healing you can, but don’t let it stop with your life. Be a funnel, not a flask.

As I reflect upon my recovery journey, I can see how love overcame my addictive behavior through pain, position, and purpose. Each one of these ways has been instrumental in helping me take further steps to become the man that God wants me to be. This process continues daily until I take my last breathe in this world. I’m of the belief that it was Christ’s death on the cross that is really what has made my recovery possible. Jesus’ death on the cross has helped me to understand there is no challenge, no circumstance, no addiction too big for God’s love to overcome. How could I do any less than to honor Him with a life of sexual integrity after He has given me so much?

For me, 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 sums it up pretty well: “For it is Christ’s love that fuels our passion and motivates us, because we are absolutely convinced that he has given his life for all of us. This means all died with him, so that those who live should no longer live self-absorbed lives but lives that are poured out for him—the one who died for us and now lives again.”

You may be reading this convinced you’re trapped in a vicious cycle that never ends. You’ve tried time and time again to stop your behavior on your own or maybe you haven’t even tried at all. And yet, you feel the emptiness inside. The well inside of your heart has no end.

Believe it or not, there is hope. Whether you feel it or not, freedom is possible. But it can’t be found by yourself. You can’t get better alone. Healing requires that you allow people into your world to see the real you. Do you want that for your life?

Small Groups Online is an incredible opportunity for you to meet others who are struggling the same way you are. It promises a safe and healthy atmosphere. Through communication with others in the group about your addiction, you will find a renewed sense of courage spring up in you to become a person of sexual integrity.

Check out Small Groups Online today!

Position & Practice: Thoughts on 2 Cor. 5:17

What does being made new really look like for someone after they meet Jesus? And how must our POSITION in Christ need to increasingly align with our PRACTICE in life?


VIDEO:


AUDIO:


If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.

018: Celebrating the Life of Dr. Mark Laaser

In this special episode of Pure Gold, we honor the life of Dr. Mark Laaser, one of the early pioneers in the field of sexual addiction & recovery. Dr. Laaser passed away early on the morning of September 27, 2019 after a long battle with myeloma cancer. His life & legacy is nothing short of amazing and while I didn’t know him personally, I did have the chance to interview him for the podcast in 2014. I share my thoughts of Dr. Laaser as well as the interview I did with him regarding his book, “Taking Every Thought Captive”.

Mark — we will miss you, but we thank God for your life and for the thousands of lives your ministry touched on this earth. Friends, enjoy the podcast.


If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.

Living In The Light

IMG_1886.JPG

Recently, I was reminded of the power of this specific verse in 1 John. There’s a massive “If…Then” statement here that is especially significant for those walking in recovery too. God’s promises are powerful and this is one of those mighty promises! For this particular word, I think it’s helpful to look at it in reverse:

The blood of Jesus, [God’s son], continually cleanses us from all sin. And we will share UNBROKEN fellowship with one another. How does this happen? By reading this passage in reverse, we can see that the “then” really hinges on the “if”: If we keep living in the pure light that surrounds him.

Honesty precedes freedom. Openness occurs before healing. Transparency happens before restoration. Why must it be this way? Because God cannot give us true freedom, healing, and restoration in our lives until we’re ready to live in such a way where everything is exposed to the light. Where nothing is hidden. Where no secrets exist. I love how the Passion translation uses the word “unbroken” before the word fellowship. If we commit to a lifestyle of complete honesty, people can see through us and our relationship with God and others will be authentic…unbroken.

We cannot expect from God and yet be unwilling to give. To surrender. To give up. To open up. To be real. To walk in truth. Which is walking in His light.

Brian Simmons says in The Passion Translation: “Freedom from sin (which is mentioned seventeen times in 1 John) is equated to walking in the pure light of God — not simply a fleshly struggle but a desire to walk in fellowship with God in his light.” May our commitment this week be that God’s pure light shines on EVERYTHING within our lives, producing within us a desire to know and be known by our brothers and sisters in Christ.

It really is the only way to live.