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Marriage and Masturbation

I recently read a brilliant article on the negative effects that masturbation has within marriage. Thank you to Marriage Today and Dave Willis for providing such truthful insight for married folks AND single folks. Great read!!!


In marriage, sex and honesty are like two wings on the same bird. You need both for your marriage to soar.

My wife Ashley and I recently wrote a book called The Naked Marriage which is designed to spark some very honest and intimate conversations between a husband and wife that can help them improve their sex life and all other aspects of their marriage too. We’ve found that one issue in marriage that needs greater honesty and clarity in marriage is the issue of MASTURBATION. Is it helpful? Is it wrong? Is it harmless? I believe these questions about masturbation are more important than many people realize.

As an important clarification, when I say “masturbation,” for the purposes of this article, I’m NOT referring to the self-stimulation or sexual play that happens during foreplay or intercourse with your spouse. Those can be just a fun part of sex between a husband and wife. When I’m referring to masturbation, I’m talking specifically about someone pleasuring himself or herself to the point of climax when NOT in the presence of his or her spouse.

Here are three reasons you may have never considered why masturbation can negatively impact your marriage…

1. It can negatively impact the sexual intimacy, performance and pleasure with your spouse.

We receive a lot of emails and messages from frustrated wives whose husbands have lost their drive for sex because they’re “taking care of it all on their own.” Men, when you choose to masturbate, you may be gaining momentary pleasure, but it’s happening at the expense of your wife’s needs and desires and you’re also missing out! This doesn’t impact men’s masturbation only. Ladies, a recent article in Women’s Health Magazine pointed out that some women are experiencing what they call “Dead Vagina” which is a numbness in the genitals caused from excessive manual stimulation (mostly from vibrators). This is making intercourse with their husbands much less enjoyable and much less frequent. Never let the substitute sabotage the real thing!


Go here to read the rest of this article from Marriage Today and Dave Willis.

BONUS: Are You Abiding?

In this bonus segment form the Pure Gold podcast, Frank shares about the importance of staying connected to and abiding in the One who created us in order to see long-term success in our recovery journeys. Abiding in Christ is an ongoing, daily activity that must take place in order to find freedom and healing from sexual addiction. You can do it! We hope you enjoy this podcast!



If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.

020: If we both enjoy watching pornography together, is it still a sin?

This week on Pure Gold, we visit a pretty controversial question in our culture today for many marriages: “If we both enjoy watching pornography together, is it still a sin” Wow! Frank shares a segment from the Fierce Marriage Podcast, hosted by Ryan & Selena Frederick. They both do a masterful job at answering this question and giving great instruction from God’s Word. Enjoy the podcast!


If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.