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The 7 Best Feel-Good Alternatives to Replace Hugs

This is an excellent article from Amen Clinics on the power of human touch and boosting important brain chemicals. Enjoy!


In times of our greatest celebrations, our darkest sadness, and in the moments in between, we seek out hugs from family, friends, and loved ones. Big bear hugs make you feel safe, warm, happy, comforted and connected. But with the pandemic, people aren’t getting these much-needed embraces. That’s bad news, because hugs don’t just feel good, they come with a host of brain benefits.

BRAIN BENEFITS OF HUGS

Some of the psychological and neurological benefits of wrapping your arms around your loved ones include:

  • Triggers the release of oxytocin. Sometimes referred to as the “cuddle hormone,” oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter that promotes a sense of well-being, relaxation, and bonding. It may be best known for its involvement in childbirth and breastfeeding to strengthen the bonds between mother and baby. More recently, it has become known as “the love hormone” as it brings forth feelings of trust, security, connection, calmness, and contentment. Some research suggests that intranasal oxytocin may be used to enhance relationships interpersonal connections.
  • Boosts moods. Hugging increases levels of the feel-good neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin to elevate moods. Receiving a hug also helps protect people from negative moods, according to findings in a 2018 study in Plos One.
  • Decreases the stress hormone cortisol and lowers stress levels. Hugs protect against chronic stress, which reduces “brain reserve,” the extra cushion of brain tissue you have to deal with the curveballs life throws your way. Uncontrolled stress is also associated with reduced immune system function, increasing your risk of infections and illness. To keep stress at bay, it’s a good idea to “hug it out” on a regular basis.
  • Lowers anxiety, depression, and feelings of loneliness. The simple act of embracing another human has positive impacts on psychological well-being. For example, a 2013 study from researchers at the University of Amsterdam found that hugs help reduce anxiety and fears in people with low self-esteem.

Read the rest of this article by going here.

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Blog Discipleship Marriage Sexual Purity

3 Ways Love Overcame My Porn Addiction

As I continue to walk in recovery from a pornography addiction, I often remind myself that it is only by love and grace that I’m at the place I am today. Eleven years ago, I received an insurmountable amount of forgiveness from those closest to me, including my wife. And even as I continued to minimize or justify the relapses I would have and the lying that accompanied it, I would experience healing in life. Little did I know then the ways in which freedom would come.

At the age of 16, I invited Jesus into my life and accepted the free gift of salvation He died to give me. And while I thought I was giving Him all of my life, I really wasn’t. My secret life of binging on pornography that had started at the age of 13 only continued, many times late into the night. It wasn’t until the age of 26 that I hit rock bottom and started to walk in freedom & healing. My secrets were uncovered. I had finally chosen to shine light upon the darkest places of my heart.

I truly believe that most of the change in my life has occurred through the love of my heavenly Father and the grace I experienced from others. How does transformation happen in a person’s life? For me, I believe that my life changed through pain, position, and purpose:

  1. Pain — Before I could begin walking in freedom and healing, I had to acknowledge the damage that I had caused myself as well as the pain I had caused others because of my addiction. Throughout the course of my battle with porn, I’d been given so many opportunities to get healthy and yet nothing really stuck. I lived in so much shame and guilt over what I was doing. I was convinced people would think I was a pervert. I’m so thankful to this day that the Lord used even the most painful moments in my life for good. The moment my fiancé slid her engagement ring across the table was one such moment. It helped me to see that I wasn’t healthy. I was sick. And so I think pain was one of the only effective means left for me to see who I was and who I was becoming.
  2. Position — It wasn’t until I literally took action upon my addiction that I began to see any difference. My routine, schedule, and priorities all needed to change. There needed to be movement in my life where for so many years I was stuck in one place. Thankfully, through the help of counselors, pastors, and support groups, I was able to find freedom from the quicksand of pornography addiction. Again, it wasn’t until I got off my butt and took action. I couldn’t wallow in shame forever. Or point the finger at someone else as the cause of my behavior. If I wanted to get better, I needed to embrace healthy outlets for processing emotions and feelings I had long ignored. My position had to change.
  3. Purpose — As funny as it may sound, when I began walking in recovery, I found a passion begin to stir inside for helping others do the same. Strangely, one of the bi-products of my addiction was that it helped me to find purpose in life. Today, I tell people that I sometimes feel like my former porn addiction was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me! It was because I had found a sense of purpose that I felt like I could really be an influence in someone’s life. I could help someone else find the healing that I had found for my life. I believe that is something we’re all called to do in our recovery journey. Get all the healing you can, but don’t let it stop with your life. Be a funnel, not a flask.

As I reflect upon my recovery journey, I can see how love overcame my addictive behavior through pain, position, and purpose. Each one of these ways has been instrumental in helping me take further steps to become the man that God wants me to be. This process continues daily until I take my last breathe in this world. I’m of the belief that it was Christ’s death on the cross that is really what has made my recovery possible. Jesus’ death on the cross has helped me to understand there is no challenge, no circumstance, no addiction too big for God’s love to overcome. How could I do any less than to honor Him with a life of sexual integrity after He has given me so much?

For me, 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 sums it up pretty well: “For it is Christ’s love that fuels our passion and motivates us, because we are absolutely convinced that he has given his life for all of us. This means all died with him, so that those who live should no longer live self-absorbed lives but lives that are poured out for him—the one who died for us and now lives again.”

You may be reading this convinced you’re trapped in a vicious cycle that never ends. You’ve tried time and time again to stop your behavior on your own or maybe you haven’t even tried at all. And yet, you feel the emptiness inside. The well inside of your heart has no end.

Believe it or not, there is hope. Whether you feel it or not, freedom is possible. But it can’t be found by yourself. You can’t get better alone. Healing requires that you allow people into your world to see the real you. Do you want that for your life?

Small Groups Online is an incredible opportunity for you to meet others who are struggling the same way you are. It promises a safe and healthy atmosphere. Through communication with others in the group about your addiction, you will find a renewed sense of courage spring up in you to become a person of sexual integrity.

Check out Small Groups Online today!

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Blog Discipleship Marriage Parenting Sexual Purity

Leaving Fear In the Box: Thoughts from 2 Timothy 1:7

Understanding that fear isn’t something you have to live with is hard. But it’s not impossible. In this episode of Pure God, Frank shares from 2 Timothy 1:7 and encourages listeners to not allow fear to drive their lives, even in the midst of pandemics and elections. For more information on this podcast & other great resources, visit pflhome.com.


VIDEO:


AUDIO:


If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.

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Blog Marriage Sexual Purity

Marriage and Masturbation

I recently read a brilliant article on the negative effects that masturbation has within marriage. Thank you to Marriage Today and Dave Willis for providing such truthful insight for married folks AND single folks. Great read!!!


In marriage, sex and honesty are like two wings on the same bird. You need both for your marriage to soar.

My wife Ashley and I recently wrote a book called The Naked Marriage which is designed to spark some very honest and intimate conversations between a husband and wife that can help them improve their sex life and all other aspects of their marriage too. We’ve found that one issue in marriage that needs greater honesty and clarity in marriage is the issue of MASTURBATION. Is it helpful? Is it wrong? Is it harmless? I believe these questions about masturbation are more important than many people realize.

As an important clarification, when I say “masturbation,” for the purposes of this article, I’m NOT referring to the self-stimulation or sexual play that happens during foreplay or intercourse with your spouse. Those can be just a fun part of sex between a husband and wife. When I’m referring to masturbation, I’m talking specifically about someone pleasuring himself or herself to the point of climax when NOT in the presence of his or her spouse.

Here are three reasons you may have never considered why masturbation can negatively impact your marriage…

1. It can negatively impact the sexual intimacy, performance and pleasure with your spouse.

We receive a lot of emails and messages from frustrated wives whose husbands have lost their drive for sex because they’re “taking care of it all on their own.” Men, when you choose to masturbate, you may be gaining momentary pleasure, but it’s happening at the expense of your wife’s needs and desires and you’re also missing out! This doesn’t impact men’s masturbation only. Ladies, a recent article in Women’s Health Magazine pointed out that some women are experiencing what they call “Dead Vagina” which is a numbness in the genitals caused from excessive manual stimulation (mostly from vibrators). This is making intercourse with their husbands much less enjoyable and much less frequent. Never let the substitute sabotage the real thing!


Go here to read the rest of this article from Marriage Today and Dave Willis.

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Blog Discipleship Marriage Parenting Podcasts Resources Sexual Purity

017: What to Do When You Hit the Wall

tired-runner

This week on the podcast, Frank shares a purity tip on what to do when you reach that point in the week where your tank is empty and you need to be re-filled. We all get there! A crazy week at work, the beautiful demands of family, and of course the circumstances that arise throughout the week that we didn’t predict. Life happens and we get tired. That’s the reality. But we don’t have to stay there and there are some really important things we can do for our soul to get refreshed. Praying this tip encourages you this week! Blessings!


If you and your spouse are struggling and would like help on your journey, please feel free to contact us! Or, if you’re a wife and need some extra help from another wife who’s walked through what you have, head on over to the “Support for Wives” section and shoot Tracey a a message by filling out the contact form. All communication is strictly confidential.